tent city

Went to a tent city today. How was it? I dont know. It was a tent city. Hundreds of people living in tents. with no sewage, on dirt, little food, no one has jobs im guessing, it rains daily in haiti, its wet in the tents, wet outside the tents. And I realize I dont know what its like to be haitian. I dont know what its like to live in haiti. Even as I live here. Because I am on a laptop in a compound on a bed in a lit room. Thats not haitian. Not that its bad. Just worth noting. And not forgetting. Yet, tonight I poured encouragement and gratitude on the team leaving tomorrow, showing them the beauty of the work they have done, and I believe it. And I have to believe my work is beautiful as well. Even when it doesnt feel lovely at all. Its beautiful because Christ is and its his not mine. I would never call something of his flawed or ugly or not good. And I am his and my work and my life is his. Self condemnation is just another form of pride.

the kids in the tent city were different. More aggressive. Loving still, but in a harder way. They clung to me. And shoved eachother out of the way to get to me. I dont know how to explain it really but there was just a roughness you dont get at the school we stay at. Good kids though. took lots of pictures. Which I hate doing. Being the white person with the camera who has fancy technology that makes kids all excited and then leaves with their pictures of cute kids. But I really feel that pictures are crucial. If I leave with no pictures, that would be terrible. how would I remember? How would I share? Im getting to that place I always get to where my standards are raised super high for what makes a day successful and what ministry is. And really it just ends out with me being unsatisfied.

Because there has been so much beauty in the last few days. Ive had opportunities to talk about how jesus transformed me. That ultimately is what I am on this earth to do. So a day of sweating and contruction and shoveling may seem more valuable or worthwhile but it isnt. Telling people about jesus is the best thing I can be a part of. But I definitley see it differently. Im learning that the default should be silence not words. and to hesitate to add my own words, nice as they may be. And that if someone is moved at all...it is by the holy spirit not me.

Other little haiti things I have been up to...went to the grocery store yesterday-a three hour trip. Not exactly the morning I had in mind. But I tried to relearn that sulking about things not going my way does no one any good. And then afterwards I had this wonderful crepe with ham and cheese and mustard. Haitian food..well thats kind of french, really is great. passed out toothbrushes to kids in the school, sorted medicine into the pharamacy, took time just to talk to people, haitians and americans, all the girls decided we were going to run around the compound since we cant go on runs outside which was so fun because its not big at all and were all running around it in different directions. Weve been doing yoga on the roof to which is beautiful.

Oh, and at the tent city today I met a boy named Jeff who captured my my heart. I scratched myself and started bleeding and he tore me a scrap of paper and put it on my cut, and he asked me if I would come live with him and introduced me to his dad, and he wasnt pushy or demanding at all. He was really patient and stood back when all the other kids swarmed me and offered me a mango. I love him.

And I got to tell Catherine about my family. Which was wonderful because I remembered that I really am crazy about them and able to see how much they shaped me and refined me into who I am and what a gift they are. And I got to have some oreos which are so so good in haiti. All chocolate is pretty much delghtful here. I cant wait for fruit and salads and dessert. And ice. But I dont really miss it that much. Or mind having the same food all the time. I think I could stay here. But I also know its okay to leave. Because thats where Hes calling me and He is the only thing that matters