Lord,
I know that I am so young and new in the work world, yet already I am starting to see and know the experience of work that most people live with. I was surprised by that small seed of dread I felt as I realized that it was Sunday and tomorrow was Monday and the week at the office would begin. And I have founded that Christ is honest when he tells us "Ask and you shall receive" and I so today I just want to ask, Lord, would be so gracious to change my heart toward my workplace? I know that you can do it, as I have watched and felt the transformation you have brought into my heart in so many other things, even in this week alone. God, give me a heart and discernment for those that I work with. God, let the refugees who may never known a Christian see Christ in me, and God as I am absolutely confounded with how in the world to connect with them, unsure of how you would have me act, would you show me Lord?
I don't want to live any portion of my life waiting for 5 pm or for Friday. I want all of my life to be lived with God and for God. I know that there will not always boundless joy in every job that I have. I know that were called to hard things. And hard is different for everyone. But while I am here, am in this space, I ask you God that you would humble me so that I can listen to you, so I can be obedient to you, so I can know you more in this? Don't let me think endlessly about what I want to be doing or what I am gifted to do-let me think on these things and consider carefully what you may be calling me to, but don't let me miss the "right now" and the place where I am because I am dreaming and yearning for something better. Thank you for the perseverance that you may develop in me through the mundane or the undesirable.
Thank you for being my joy and hope so that my life is not about my comfort or having the right job or being the most successful or worthwhile. You are my greatest affection.
Sunday, January 27, 2013
Thursday, January 24, 2013
Thankfulness
I get to do a Wyldlife ministry at middle school in Raleigh named Ligon Middle School. I love it. For 5 really sweet months, the school was extremely open with our presence in the school, during school getting to know kids. Today, we have been told we are no longer allowed on the campus of the school because of parents not wanting Christian influence in their school. Its hard. Because we love the kids who go to Ligon Middle and we want to be with them. Emmanuel, a very wise Christian also ministering at Ligon challenged us to write down what we are thankful for the lord doing at Ligon. Here it is.
Jesus-
I am thankful that you died for kids at Ligon. Im thankful that you have loved them and known them for all time and have done everything that they may reign with you forever. I am thankful that you gave us favor with the staff and let us know them and grow to love them. I am thankful that for 5 months there was a Wyldlife leader there almost every single day even though our team has only had 3-4 people. I am so thankful for giving us the chance to do homework with kids in after school programs. I am thankful that you let us speak at a PTA meeting. Thank you for allowing 8 wonderful kids to go to weekend camp with us. Thank you for the core families who are supporting Wyldlife and opening their homes up and making this ministry possible outside of school. Thank you for letting over 50 ligon kids come to Wyldlife club. Thanks for lunches lord. What sweet time it was to sit at their tables and make new friends and ask how their day or week was going. Thank you for the teachers lord. Thank you for the administrators. Thank you for just letting us in God, that was your work that we would ever be there in the first place. Thank you for the campaigners where we had a group of 8th grade girls that did not want to stop talking about God and what they wanted prayer for. Thank you for the kids who have invited their friends to wyldlife. Thank you for the kids that we know really well that have never or would never come to Wyldlife but who you love just as they are and we love them for who they are. Thank you for just the joy it gave us to be at that school. Thank you for teaching me about what it looks like to invest your heart in a place. God thank you for showing me how powerful you are through this ministry. Thank you for letting us chaperone dances and hang out in teachers classrooms and do so much more than makes any sense at all with a public school. Thank you for making us people who don't make any sense at all as we joyfully, willingly give our life away to middle schoolers. Thank you for parents lord. Ligon parents are so special. Thank you for their support. Thank you for giving them hearts interested in Wyldlife. Thank you for the stamina to never get tired of it. To love it more and more even though its hard. Thank you for the bit of persecution we're in now with no longer being there, because persecution can be such a good thing, such a grower for your kingdom. Thanks lord for being sovereign in this. For not being stopped by any human limitations. Just for your love, lord. Your support. Your deep care for us in this. Your nearness to us. For your deep, deep love for every single one of these kids. You have been and continue to be so good. Its in your hands.
Jesus-
I am thankful that you died for kids at Ligon. Im thankful that you have loved them and known them for all time and have done everything that they may reign with you forever. I am thankful that you gave us favor with the staff and let us know them and grow to love them. I am thankful that for 5 months there was a Wyldlife leader there almost every single day even though our team has only had 3-4 people. I am so thankful for giving us the chance to do homework with kids in after school programs. I am thankful that you let us speak at a PTA meeting. Thank you for allowing 8 wonderful kids to go to weekend camp with us. Thank you for the core families who are supporting Wyldlife and opening their homes up and making this ministry possible outside of school. Thank you for letting over 50 ligon kids come to Wyldlife club. Thanks for lunches lord. What sweet time it was to sit at their tables and make new friends and ask how their day or week was going. Thank you for the teachers lord. Thank you for the administrators. Thank you for just letting us in God, that was your work that we would ever be there in the first place. Thank you for the campaigners where we had a group of 8th grade girls that did not want to stop talking about God and what they wanted prayer for. Thank you for the kids who have invited their friends to wyldlife. Thank you for the kids that we know really well that have never or would never come to Wyldlife but who you love just as they are and we love them for who they are. Thank you for just the joy it gave us to be at that school. Thank you for teaching me about what it looks like to invest your heart in a place. God thank you for showing me how powerful you are through this ministry. Thank you for letting us chaperone dances and hang out in teachers classrooms and do so much more than makes any sense at all with a public school. Thank you for making us people who don't make any sense at all as we joyfully, willingly give our life away to middle schoolers. Thank you for parents lord. Ligon parents are so special. Thank you for their support. Thank you for giving them hearts interested in Wyldlife. Thank you for the stamina to never get tired of it. To love it more and more even though its hard. Thank you for the bit of persecution we're in now with no longer being there, because persecution can be such a good thing, such a grower for your kingdom. Thanks lord for being sovereign in this. For not being stopped by any human limitations. Just for your love, lord. Your support. Your deep care for us in this. Your nearness to us. For your deep, deep love for every single one of these kids. You have been and continue to be so good. Its in your hands.
Monday, January 21, 2013
new semester
2 weeks into the semester but it looks very different as I intern 32 hours a week in Refugee Resettlement. How sweet Christ has been to me in taking away the lifestyle that I had come to thrive in here in Raleigh and taking away the hours I used to spend at a downtown middle school called Ligon that captured my heart last semester. How good he has been in showing me that my purpose is not achieve worth or value or uniqueness. That instead I get to glorify the One who has given me unending worth and value and uniqueness, His very own in fact that he has had since the beginning. I see my affection for His Word growing, just bit by bit, and my desire to rest in him growing little by little. As I ponder that drive to do and to go and to accomplish more and more and to give but is it really about giving or is it really about feeling good enough? Perhaps the latter.
And I am humbled more and more through this job that I have this semester as I do things that are not what I choose to do, not what I believe I am called to do or gifted to do, that I just don't want to do. But perhaps far harder is the fierce jealousy that wells up in me as I see my friends living how I want to live, how I lived not so long ago, and the desire for self pity and recognition and the need to do more than what God has given.
I think of the freedom I have. I am free to pray for those I love. I am free to spend time in the evenings and weekends with people or with the lord. I am free to be in the Word, to be passionate about it, to dig deeply in-and is it, are these, enough for me?
God I see my brokenness, my sin, and I know that it has been covered already. I see you and I know that you are enough. More than enough. You are my joy. You are my satisfaction. You are my worth, my identity, my life, my all.
And I am humbled more and more through this job that I have this semester as I do things that are not what I choose to do, not what I believe I am called to do or gifted to do, that I just don't want to do. But perhaps far harder is the fierce jealousy that wells up in me as I see my friends living how I want to live, how I lived not so long ago, and the desire for self pity and recognition and the need to do more than what God has given.
I think of the freedom I have. I am free to pray for those I love. I am free to spend time in the evenings and weekends with people or with the lord. I am free to be in the Word, to be passionate about it, to dig deeply in-and is it, are these, enough for me?
God I see my brokenness, my sin, and I know that it has been covered already. I see you and I know that you are enough. More than enough. You are my joy. You are my satisfaction. You are my worth, my identity, my life, my all.
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