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Ive been really missing and craving haiti today. Since I have been back but especially today. I miss Jeff, my brother at the tent city, Checowski, George, Caroline and Steven (the repatriot kids I was close too) Niaka, Sammy, Woodlin and Wilda from the orphanage and the 6th grade girls: sophia, delco, jana, lovely, jessica and a few others. I miss bing loved by kids and loving on kids. I miss being in Haiti and surrounded by Haitians all the time. I am so so thankful to be home and to be able to talk to people in english and to be given the HUGE privlidge to be able to talk about Haiti and God and have such willing listeners, but when it gets to being late at night I want to be home. Because right now, after 5 weeks, it feels more like home than anywhere else. But, I know that the best thing God does for me is take away the things I replace with. In this case haiti. And when I first got to haiti, I clung so much to christ, having no sense of my purpose there and feeling so alienated but by the end of the trip, I had it all figured out. I knew my purpose and how to be useful and how to make the most of the day and my dependence on God slowly faded away. And now, as I am back in America, and I love love being back and talking to people but in one sense I am alarmed by how quickly I am reajusting, and in the other sense I still feel sort of alienated and a stranger to the states, I am forced to hold on to him again, as much as I can. And I know I need to take time to be still and know that he is God. But Im scared. Im too tired to run but too scared to slow down. I want to love on everyone else and assist every one else but not really think about where I am. And I sort of want to try to remember every second in Haiti and sort of want to stop thinking about it and stay busy and not dwell on the trip. I need to find the balance but more so I need to spend some time with God. I cant say I dont have it. And I need to wrestle with how Haiti fits into my day to day life, because it does.