3 weeks in

today was a hard and a good day. Maybe my favorite. But I'm starting to say that every day. I woke up pretty sick and decided to go to the clinic they have for Haitians. It was rough because everyone was Haitian, and you dont know what anyone is saying or how to explain whats wrong with you. Luckily one of the girls named Anita who is staying with us works at the clinic, and pretty much saved me because I got so overwhelmed in the doctor and started  to panic that I wasn't going to get better and would be sick for the rest of my trip, and that terrible thing happened when as soon as you get to the doctor you dont feel sick so you feel like you need to just leave, and she stayed with me the whole time and spoke to the staff in creole about my symptoms and explained everything to me in english. Apparently in Haiti you dont cry unless youre in really serious pain, so everyone was so worried about me, and I was just being emotional. They perscribed me all these different medications but I didnt know what any of them were and didnt want to spend any money, but when I tried to tell her I didnt want all the pills she was getting for me, she was clearly offended and assumed that because they were Haitian I didnt trust them and thats why I wouldnt take their medicine. Anita explained that I just didnt have money and I took the pills and left. Then I spent the rest of the day around the compound while everyone else went out and did stuff, which wasnt nearly as hard as I thought it would be. I am growing in my ability to rest and recognition that doing something for the sake of having something to do is not useful, just makes me feel better about myself. And because I depended on God so heavily in my sickness, as I started to feel better, I was content to do small invisible tasks alone around the compound, that no one would notice because I was more concerned with keeping company with Christ than what I was actually doing. The korean team took us out for a really nice dinner, and even though we got caught in terrible traffic and were sure we were going to miss it, we were able to laugh about it and not be bothered, and they ended out waiting for us at the restaurant. I also had a beautiful conversation with Anita about God and the truth of the bible and how to be a part of the culture you are serving. She has really unique perspective because she is haitian but born and raised in the states so has a really strong sense of haitian culture but also knows our culture and is really open about the differences and cultural things that are too personal to come out and ask but so helpful to know. I am so glad she is here. And so talkative.  She was my comfort and strength in so many ways today. Being sick made me aware of how family-like the compound is, as everyone asks if youre doing better...its a little thing but its beautiful. And I got to hang out with kids while they waited for their parents to pick them up. Being sick reminded me of how small and fragile I am and that the work I am doing here is part of something so much bigger that I have no control over. It also made me aware of the fact that just being here is a gift for the Haitians just like it is for me. Because there are consequences. Its not cheap, you get sick, they are not the easiest living conditions especially for Americans...And so even if I dont get to have conversations with Haitians about God, I get to live in their country for a month. And that is a blessing. And I get to see their kids every day, and its okay that the kids are excited to see us. They dont have to dislike me for it to be service. I can still learn their names and make them laugh and just be. Im slowly learning how to be. Being really sick and stuck in bed speeds that up quite a bit. I also wrote a letter to HOM about how marvelous it is to be able to partner with them and how huge the work that they are doing in this field of Gods and that they plant and we help water but God makes it grow.
The longer I stay the less I want to leave..