Come to haiti if you can. There is no chance that you will hate it. Almost everyone here seems to have been before...they came once and they wanted more. It was not enough for them. Here it is not impressive to love Haiti, because everyone here does. Whats not to love? I realized that this has been such a spiritual pilgrimage that I am forgetting to talk about Haiti and am only discussing the inward battles being waged. Both of course are important to me. Nights in Haiti may be the best. Or morning. At night though you can look at the mountains in every direction full twinkling little lights and its stunning. It really is. And in the mornings its cool and crisp and well, I cant say quiet, its never quiet in Haiti, but you untangle yourself from your mosquito net and walk up to the roof to greet the day and soon our cooks come walking up the stairs with breakfast and plates and everything balanced on their head and a little smile and say good morning and then you get to have haitian coffee. Morning starts very early in Haiti. Like between 5 and 6. Heres what a day kind of looks like...I wake up and go up to the roof to spend time with God over coffee then go down to where all the kids hang out before school and play with them til they all get in their lines for morning prayer, go back up for breakfast, then head to the construction site or start work around the compound. On the best days you work hard til lunch, have a nice long slow lunch and then work a few more hours and get done at 4. Dinner at 5ish and read and talk to people the rest of the evening. Its the little moments that make it special though. Like the people who patiently try to explain things in creole when you dont understand. Or the fact that you greet every person you see. Or when people are so excited to say their english phrase to you and you are equally excited to say your haitian phrase but thats all you know so you just kind of smile at eachother for a while but its not really awkward. Or hearing all the guys laughing together at the construction site. Or that Pastor Leon always introduces me to people as his girl, and the daughter he has adopted. I think people keep coning because they feel loved .At the same time its tough because you dont know if anything youre doing is really helpful at all...the work we do takes away from Haitians who could be doing it, the things we bring down could be bought at the stores...most people are unemployed, the tent cities you cant even believe, there is trash everywhere...I think the orphanages are the hardest thing for me because the demand is so much higher than the capacity. And it is crazy that the money it costs for a mission group to come down for a week could feed an orphanage for a month. And there are orphanages were kids are starving. But you cant say mission groups are bad. Because the relationships are crucial. And you cant get so caught up in justice that you forget jesus.
Haiti probably doesnt fit into the categories we want it to. There are rich areas as well as poor areas, there is more joy here than I've seen in any area of our country, mission groups help and they harm, Haitian kids do seem to think that were just here to give them free stuff, but some insist on giving me their candy. I love international missions more, but I see its pitfalls even more clearly the longer I am here. I still think the greatest danger is when mission forgets jesus. He has to be the only concern of every person following him. Their concern for their mission cant outweigh their concern for him because then you just transfer your sin and distate to other people. You love the Haitians but make fun of the Americans you are living with. We have to destroy sin in every form. If there is anything we would not say if a particular person or group of people is present we cant say it. We cant even think it. This is not to be legalistic, or extreme, I really think its a serious thing. Every person is Christs beloved. We can take very little pride in adoring Haitian children. Its virtually impossible not to. It is the people that irritate us, that we want to exclude, that offend us, that we feel put down our ideas or contradict what we say...those are the ones we have to truly love, not even make them think we love them but really treasure them. Its not optional. They are his bride. As are we. We cant love him and not his bride. Both or neither. I have not got this figured out. I think thats why it has weighed so much on my heart because I really struggle with it. There are people that God has given me a heart for. But that is a gift from him, not something of my own that cancels out people I dont feel like loving.
One other little thing was that I read in 1st corinthians if we preach with eloquent words the cross is stripped of its power. I love eloquent words. I dont want to say anything cliche about being here. I want some unique experience that will give people new insight. What does  this all mean? The focus is on my writing, when the only focus should be christ. If my writing distracts from him and his cross he bore or tries to add anything to that, its better not to write. The power is in the simplicity. And my thought is well what if thats not enough for people? And his answer is that the cross is foolishness to some and to others it is Life. That the weak and lowly are lifted up to shame the strong so that no one can boast. I pray that my writing be stripped of everything but the gospel and how it is being manifested in Haiti and people and life.