lows and highs

Earlier today, when I first attempted to write this post, I decided that I was going to be honest and say that I was having a rough day. Some of my favorite people left, a bunch of new people came so I was unable to find community or solitude and it was a day at the compound not doing much of anything after a 3 hour service in creole. Mostly though, I think I just was really missing discpling and connecting deeply with girls. The bonds I have formed here in Haiti are deep in their own way, but I never realized what a blessing it is to know language and culture and be able to effortlessly make conversation until I got here, where I speak very little creole. I would argue that knowing the language is absolutely crucial to ministering and discipling and even the base level of relationship building. I would also urge any person to learn as much of the language they can before going to another country even if they are going for construction or whatever or its a short trip.
But anyways, I was writing this long post since I hadnt been able to get on the computer in days when the power shut off and I lost the whole thing. Which was ironic but turned out to be really beautiful because I went upstairs to read instead and finally talked a little to the team who had just gotten in the day before. It is a korean team from a korean church in richmond, and for some strange reason, I had it in my mind that I was not going to connect with this group because they were different from me. An illogical attitude to have since I expect and hope the Haitians will connect with me even though I am different. But the greatest thing happened, I started talking to the team and discovered that I had been completely off base-they were friendly and very much in love with Jesus (at least the few that I talked to) and it was such a cool example of the way God is, that in my lonliness he would reveal his love to me in the very group of people I didnt think I was going to connect at all with. And then our Haitian cook came up and I told her I liked her hair and she just beamed and was able to explain (dispite the language barrier) that it was for the mothers day celebration performance they were doing.
It amazes me that in the course of one day, I can go from being ready to get on a plane and head out (when saying good bye to the people I have been working with the whole time I have been here) and within a few hours be completely content and have no desire to be anywhere else. I think part of this is the fact that my state of being is very much dependent on what I am doing and who I am with...that if one thing is wrong suddenly everything else becomes a problem as well. At the same time, I think this is by nature an intense experience and will evoke intense emotions in me...probably both positive and negative.
This weekend though, I have been able to put into action the idea of a sabbath. Saturday truly was a day of rest. The only thing we did was go to the beach in the afternoon which was very restful. I am learning in Dueteronomy that the reason we have sabbaths is to be reminded that it is the Lord who has saved us, Christ who has justified us, and that he has already accomplished everything and brought us out of slavery into the promised land. If we never stop working and doing and going, we may accidently think that it is our work that gives us our worth or our salvation or that we can depend on ourselves. When I am not working I cannot find satisfaction in myself and what I am accomplishing which reminds me of my utter and total dependence on God. Yesterday, I appreciated my sabbath, today I was over resting. But the point is that if I didnt do anything for the rest of my years, it would not matter because my life and my salvation and my justification is based 100% on what Christ did and is doing and has nothing to do with what I have done or am doing here in Haiti or anywhere else. The fact that he can and would do such of thing shows me that he is the only thing worth living for, but he did not die on the cross because of how well I lived for him, but rather in spite of me. Thats what the sabbath says to me. I dont like it, to be honest. But I know all the resting is very good, because I remember who I am dependent on and that  I am not independent and able to see the selfishness in my productivity. The offensiveness and glory of the cross is that there is nothing for us to earn. Offensive that nothing we do is enough, and glory because what Christ did is enough.