falling in love (with Haitian kids)

(disclaimer: there is no spell check on this computer so there is probably a lot of mistakes, but I'm probably not going to go back and proofread the whole thing, soo hopefully it still makes sense)

Its been a rich two days. Each day has had some homesickness but alos a lot of my favorite moments in Haiti so far. The most discouraging thing has been the hostility I have when the day is not going the way I want it to do. It is such a reminder that I am not capable of doing good outside of Christ. But far more crazy is that he does do good in and through me. Yesterday I got to go to this wonderful orphanage for the third time and ended out spending most of my time with a baby named Niaka. She had so much to teach me. Gorgeous, around 2, and very developmentally delayed, probably with a mental disability of some sort. When Angie, the American staffperson saw me holding here she told me about how sometimes she doesn't get as much love as the other babies because she looks different and is sometimes totally unreponsive to attention. She just stares up most of the time. But when she does connect with you its wonderful. It amazes me how comfortable kids are with their dependency, how vulnerable, how thankful for affection and care. I rebel against being any of those things, even to God. And then I meet a beautiful little girl in an orphanage who in some ways is so far ahead of me. And when you are with a child as beautiful as Niaka, everything you normally stress or worry about just dissolves and the constant questions I have of whether I am doing the best or most useful thing are gone because it is perfectly clear that my only purpose is to love the child in my arms as much as I possibly can for as long as I possibly can. I got to see the other girl I am especially attached to as well whose name is Wilda. Since my first time there, we stick together for however long I am there. If she ever has to leave to get bathed or eat, before long I look down and she is smiling up at me and whenever I first get to the orphanage I look until I find her and when we see eachother she smiles and usually hides her face.
Today I spent the day at the construction site called rue patriot. I am learning how to be peaceful as I work and not just be looking forward to getting it over with. During lunch one of the long term volunteers came back to see the men he had worked with for over a year. It was such an example of community and international work to see him stand in fromt of these Haitian men, crying and speaking to them in creole about how much he loved working with them and then to see so many of the Haitians stand to personally address him and the work that he did. It showed so clearly that the bonds in Christ are deeper than any cultural barriers and that the men who I have been working with can get really serious and really do feel things, not just joke around all the time, and that mutual friendships and partnerships are possible. Equally poignant was seeing Bill Fudge, the man who has been leading construction for the last month and working incredibly hard every day, continue working on the foundation and let the lunch be about Steven (the long term volunteer) even though he planned it, invited everyone, and prepared a special lunch for his last day working with the men. Such an example of the humilitly of Christ and reminder that all the glory belongs to God.
I am getting to know the kids are the construction site pretty well since they hang around most of the day. Its funny because it gets to that point where they become more like siblings and less of adorable little ones, and you start to get exasperated with their need to constantly be involved or their sass, but its also beautiful because it is the beginning of real relationship not just the superficial part where you think they are perfect. One 9 year old in particular named Checowski loes to help and always wants to do my job for me. Now I tend to get kind of fiesty on the work site about wanting to pull my own load and feel useful and get some exercise, to be totally honest, so I didn't always do the best with letting him help. Kind of ebarrassing really, but humbling as I look back on it. Anyways, he ended out helping me so much, always finding me the stuff I couldn't find, and much better than me at mixing mortar and calling my name to tell me stuff all the time. And at the end of the day he was on my back and he leaned over and kissed my cheek and I pretty much fell in love right then and there. Thats my favorite and the most heart wrenching thing. Falling in love with Haitian kids. And adults too. One of the workers who is always excited to work on his english by taliking to me found my water bottle for me today. I was all distressed and told him and he was looking and looking and I'm thinking I'm telling another girl about how I am going to die of thirst and its not where I put it in my usual melodramatic fashion when he walks up with it beaming. One of many many reminders about how constantly and faithfully I am served by Haitians, not the other way around. Those are the first things that come to my mind from the last couple of days...I don't even have time to get into the treasures I am finding in Dueteronomy but prehaps tomorrow.