Intimacy

A newborn child is a deeply, passionately intimate creature. As I marvel upon the undeniably holy relationship between parent and child, the adoration the child has for this person that they depend entirely upon and the parents nearly painful swelling of the heart for this small person who has suddenly become the center of their universe, the one thing they must protect at all costs and the one they could never let go of, it is possibly the clearest and closest humanly vision we get to how the relationship between God and human was intended. That deep desire for intimacy the child has is inherent, it is not learned or placed within them. They were born that way. How can we possibly consider this and not see that they were woven together with a need for their Creator that parents temporarily stand in for. And think of how you have loved your children, those first unutterably precious moments together, that love that is frightening with its intensity and certainty for these little beings, or how you will when you have your own, and imagine that there is one that loves us more than we love them. "The very nature of the Creator is one of total intimacy." The first thing John says is that the Word was with God, and we must not thing of this "with" as standing next to each other but as facing God, toward God, "with" in absolute entirety. We know this. Our heart resonates with this sense of togetherness. I would go so far as to suggest that every human being, when the layers of pain and success and masks and experience and coverings and independence are stripped away, has at the core of their being the desire for intimacy that has not been met by anything earthly. It is something that becomes covered and painted over as we move through life, that starts to dissolve when the hardships hit and the thirst becomes something we can live with, something we can ignore, and in the most desperate of cases something we begin to deny entirely. But if we examine the young, the ones least calloused by the harshness of life it is undeniable. Kids respond to touch. I think of the kids I've worked with and how they climb all over me, how they snuggle in close during a movie regardless of their socioeconomic status, their race, their family, their attitude. Its runs deeper than all those things. There is a reason we all love babies...they are most in tune with their desire for intimacy, most accepting of their utter helplessness, least aware of outside forces. 

     Today I met an incredible guy from Belgium who was absolutely convinced God didn't exist. And it was so humbling because I begun writing this post this morning so convinced, so sure of the evidence of God all over the place. And I prayed that God would show me where the holes were, where I could grow and learn. And this afternoon I meet this guy who is pretty brilliant, he has put so much thought into this, and reached a different conclusion than I have. He's existentialist-believing that life has meaning when we give it meaning. Its something we create for ourself. And so I am going to look into the brilliant men and women who have gone before me who have looked into these dark and dangerous questions and found Christ there, found that he is the answer. And I love him. Seriously, I love this guy so much I met today. And the only possible way I see that being possible is that Jesus loves him desperately and is in me. And literally seconds after, my mind spinning with the mass of knowledge too great for me to discern, I ran into this wonderful woman of God and it was such an encouragement. That we are not in this fight alone. That God's love is bigger even when in it is inexplicable. Its just my heart, my heart that testifies to Christ. He rings true in my soul. I know thats not empirical or calculable or tangible but I know it more than I know anything else. I stake my life on it. As I write this, an amazing friend of mine looked over and asked if I was writing. He said he knew because my eyes sparkled and he could see it on my face when I write about Jesus. And there is this light that bursts through my soul when I see Him and interact with Him and talk about Him. Its so real. And the love for people around me just defies my own broken nature. I don't naturally love people I barely know desperately and entirely. But Jesus does. And its in me. I can't wait to see where this relationship goes, and what we learn. He has already taught me so much just by encouraging me to go deeper in this faith. Back to the love..its loving people without caring whether they love you back. Just loving them because they are so beautiful, so precious to the One that loves me. And loving because all this love from God feels right when its poured out. The satisfaction lies in pouring love not in the response the love evokes. These guys I'm with in the lounge right now: I just want to be like "I love of each of you so, so much." But that might be a little weird. But it makes it so Jesus really is quite real. So real.