Knowing His Heart

Henri Nouwen said that perhaps more than anything else there is a desperate need for people who intimately know the heart of God. Therein lies where each of us should pour our lives. Knowing his heart. Before going to work. Before raising our families. Before saving the world. But how? How do we go about this knowing of the divine heart? Maybe we should just ask Him. To take time in solitude, there cannot possibly be enough time with our lover. He knows our needs. He knows our very souls intimately. He will run his finger over us gently until he comes across the cracks and then he will pour into the cracks. There is something deep and mysterious and painful about real solitude. About awareness of ourselves, our urgencies, our discomforts. Where are thoughts wander when left to rove. The parts of us that we bury and bury and really would not like Him to come anywhere near. I know because I have it all in me. I am so resistant to relinquish myself to my maker. Oh, how I rush to put a time limit on time with the Lord, to schedule with Him, to tell Him about what I want to do and to bring out that mental list of people and things I just really need to pray for and blow through them. But I know, I know, these deep heart things must not continue to spread dangerously underneath the surface. They're not things I should just get used to, learn to live with. We have to begin this rough journey of love and opening ourselves to each other. I am the most resistant of anyone to this kind of love.
I'm like, "come on God don't be a mood killer here. Lets just keep this relationship in a safe place. I just want to talk about growth, about Jesus of the past, about plans and majors and casual things. Anything but brokenness papa." Robert Benson said you cannot be multiplied enough to be shared. You can only be broken enough to be shared. And Jesus, God himself, shared everything with a few guys. It wasn't some mass movement at the time. Just life on life. And jesus hung literally broken for the entire world to see and to laugh and to hate. That certainly where I've been intending on going. But the call is to follow. And to follow anything or anyone or good people or  role models or the really really good people who did great stuff-no the call is to follow just one. One named Jesus.
And I want to share with you all the beauty I am living. The hope I have for this campus and this city and this world. Share the random interactions of the day and the discoveries about God and the call to go to the broken, to live life with high schoolers, testify to the incredible things my beautiful community in christ is doing here. They are beyond compare. And I want to talk about wyldlife girls back home and 8th and 9th graders who already have a heart for the Lord. And Libby and Justin who are warriors for Christ. And we should. We should share with each other the deep precious joy of life with our Lord and preach the gospel to each other everyday simply by our expanding hearts for people, for each other and those so so far from their Love. But I must also share the hardness of my heart. That I am broken and that I have no hope in myself. But I have hope in the One within me. And if people will see him in my life, it won't be where I am intentional about it or trying to do this or that. It will be in the look on our faces, the little ways we interact with humanity, with God-we will be marked. It will be evident that we know a Heart that is better than the ones here. A Heart that is better than anything anyone has ever seen. It lies not in resumes and projects and statistics and money raised and aid given-it is in faces and hands and feet, in the smiles and the touches and the going, and God is here. Lets abandon everything and get to know this Heart.