Autumn Trees

It hit me this morning that I am here, in college to learn how to pray. To learn how to be with God. And what it means to be known by Him and that He knows me far better than I know myself. And everyone thinks of college as getting your degree and life skills and figure out your life plan but I think God wants me to know Him intimately. And not know Him and do this and this and this. Just know Him. Everything else will follow. I read this lovely thing about how autumn trees beg us not to worry. And the idea of leaning up against them and asking what it feels like to lose so much and to stand empty and just wait patiently for God to come and fill. What freedom that emptiness must bring. The trust required. The trees trust the Lord.
And when I really get into Him, I slow down my heart and my mind and I take a seat at His feet, its right. Right in the deepest sense of the word. I've been thinking so much about going home and seeing my family. But it is only when I am with God and fully satisfied by Him alone that all I want to do is love on them. Love them as hard and as well as I can. Not care about what we do or how they respond to me, or whether they think I'm different or more mature but just love them. God is the only one who creates in me a desire to give and not a desire for any reciprocation. Because he really really is enough. Most of the time I cannot grasp this truth but the glimpses and the moments where it hits me, those are the moments that have made this the best season of my life.
People will be impacted by being loved. Not by being fed or healed or successful or empowered. If they are not first loved the rest of it loses its value. All that are just the tangibles of being loved. And the only way anyone can be loved in the deepest, greatest sense is if they are loved by the One who is Love. Thats what my life is about it. ANd the only way I can make my life about it is by being loved by Him as well. Being poured into so that I can then pour out.