Failure yet holiness

God doesn't need me. Which is good because I am flawed and he is perfect. I had a beautiful day but something I committed to helping with I completely forgot about and and I sort of failed them. Its a fellowship dinner my church is doing for a family they are helping and I was so looking forward to helping out. Which sucks. And it punctured the fullness of joy in me after a holy precious day. But from this blow it seeps deeper into my soul that what a miracle it is that He chose me to serve Him and allows me to join the  mission of advancing the kingdom. Yes, I am weak. I will even fail people. But, I will remember that God will not fail. When I mess up is when I remember that every lovely moment  belongs to Him not me. It is He working in my life, working miracles and mending hearts and sowing seeds and bearing light. Its okay to fail because he does not fail. He even enters into the messes I make. And it reminds me that he will work miracles in that event whether or not I am there-I am not necessary. The fact that I said I would help and now am not will in no way make it any less miraculous and lovely and of Him. I  He will work in the poverty of Raleigh no matter where I am. But he will also say "go" and I can respond. Its just funny that I was so excited to pour about the utmost glory of my day and as soon as  I got online I realized that the day was filled with both success and failure. And it took that to make me see that it isn't me. Its never me. It is God to whom all glory belongs. So now I will share the way jesus was working in my life today more humbly. I will come a little more like the man who said I am a sinner and didn't even look up than the one who said thanks for making me different, not like those sinners. Can I be super vulnerable and say I think that a lot? I think its because not many people have the chance to really enter into urban impoverished culture and life and I am beginning to see that the Lord just might be taking me there. Which is lovely but it is so because he is glorious and envelopes us in His glory not because we are glorious. Its a strange paradox that the further you  get in the faith the more broken you become, or maybe just the more aware you are of your brokenness. But, finally, today I got to work with a bunch of people from Ship of Zion feeding a ton of families and giving out hygiene products, doing prayer etc. But we got there about three hours early to set up and set up was done super quick and I didn't know a single person. So I started to hang out with these kids even though they were really intimidating and just the way the relationships grew throughout the day was beyond what I could imagine. It started off so awkward but gradually we became comfortable with each other and within such a short time they were running over to hang out with me and teaching me how to have attitude and braiding my hair and laughing at my dancing when I tried to dougie and walk it out and jerk. And even the parents and adults started to realize I really wanted to know them. Life on life. It really comes down to that. Treasure beyond treasure. And all the Lord. None of it me. Constantly marveling at the fact that I really do get to live this life. Marveling at our Jesus.