Clinging

Hey Love, 

Take my heart. And my life. All this chaos. All this running. And you're in the silence. In the whispers the wind makes as it rustles the leaves that float lazily to litter the ground. Such deep glory. Such perfect love. And yet I run and run. Running is right-if it is running to you. But I tend to run just to run. Because if I'm running I'm sure I'm productive, and productivity still seems so significant. God, I want to follow you my way. Which kind of undermines that whole following thing. I come to you asking "Where, love? Where would you like to send me? To use me? To be glorified?" But I have so many answers in my mind of what I where I want to go that there is no way I can possibly listen for an answer. And there is all this loudness everywhere in college, but when I get away I realize how much loudness is in my mind, how much restlessness in my soul. And I get so panicky and overwhelmed by all the people who desperately need you and I don't even know where to start. 

Let this urgency, this love burn-burn hard in my soul that I may think of nothing else, nothing but you my king. You, whose dew is the dew of light. Fingers brush the diving for just a moment. And its just more real. More right. Than anything else. And somewhere in me, its stirring. The life you are painting for me. A life of humility where I resist being humble. A life of transparency though I want to be so strong. A life of obedience I will try to undermine again and again. But still, you will be faithful. To me. Which is hard to accept and embrace. Because I won't. God, you are quite beautiful. If there is anything I discover deeper daily it is your beauty. Right now I am overwhelmed, sidetracked, unsure where to step and still taking my life from you still sprinting through the days with full schedules and an empty heart, but knowing, knowing the alternative is you. And finding rest in you. Finding joy and peace. And life. Life that is counterfeit from every other source. Sources so close and so far from you. All counterfeit. you're authenticity is enough for me. Jesus is enough for me. And he is enough for this world I feel so obligated to save, so responsible for. I am not. I am here to be present with you, to be obedient to trust that your plan is greater, inexpressibly more lovely than my own that I still continue to develop and cling to. I am here to cling to you. Nothing more, nothing less.