So I'm in that hyper, joyful, life is lovely sort of state right now where my mom is getting closer by the minute and the day has been full of unexpected wonders from jesus. But I've decided to come and write and be with jesus because He is better than my joy and he is my joy. So often, these times of full life are times when I say, "see you a little later, Jesus. I love you and all but I am having a great day so lets hang out later on when I'm struggling or lonely or empty." But I am getting to this place when I want to be joyful with him. And when I have enough energy to run, I want to be disciplined to be still and know that He is God. Because the happiness of this day is momentary but the joy of consummate love is eternal. And If I come and share all of my life with him, not come running when struggles weigh me down, there will be far more comfort in the struggles because He will be the God of my whole life: of my joy and of my suffering. That which is fleeting (these emotions) seems so strong but He is eternal, and though His strength is quieter, it is richer, it is matured, it has stood the test of time and borne the weight of storm after storm.
So I will embrace this moment of happiness with the knowledge that this moment is but a moment that will pass but Jesus will hold fast to me and I to him. That his love demands that in all deep joy there is deep sorrow as well because then in all deep sorrow, deep joy is found as well. Though I have moments without affliction there is suffering in this time, people are in pain, the world is in a dangerous place. But if we try to run from it, try to avoid the pain of being human and separated from our Love, it will still strike us down and when it does it will be consume. I've always been one to swing from delirious joy to ugly sorrow and something in me knows that there is constancy in Christ that invites another life. Because somehow that crazy happiness gets so high that it tends to end in a crash.
If I wait to run to Him when the pain has already overwhelmed, I will not find the comfort possible if I live knowing that he is better than everything here even when everything seems flawless. Bigger than all the good and all the bad. Better than life itself. This is our lover. The fullness of sorrow and joy always come together. I would rather live my whole life with Him and resting in Him then trying to desperately maintain happiness knowing that pain is close at hand. So in the joy that today brings I will embrace it fully in him, which means knowing that this is not the best day of my life and tomorrow is not the worst day of my life. Knowing that true goodness is yet to come which lets me take every moment as something from him to be cherished, even suffering, persecution, pain. Those are part of life here. If I ignore them they will take me over when they strike. If I embrace them, even in the darkness they will not overcome me.
When we make our bed in Sheol and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea you, God are there, when we take the wings of the morning and ascend to the heaven you are there (Psalm 139). You are the same God in both and you love us exactly the same in the blackest darkness of night and glorious light of the morning. You are good. I Love you more than this lovely day.
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