I don't really think that I have ever done this on the blog but I have something to ask of whoever is reading this which is prayer. On my behalf. And to be honest, I don't think I have ever counted myself important or extreme enough to really ask for people to commit to praying for me really hard. And I still sort of don't, even as I write this post. Prayer is a funny thing..were always doing these prayer requests at church and bible study and whatever and I do a lot of those overarching prayers that hopefully cover everyone ("Help all my friends with all that they are struggling with") and it just doesn't reconcile with the kind of prayer that leads to blood sweating.
I believe, though, that prayer is powerful. That it matters. That it makes all the difference. And I want to really pray for people. To pray hard. To pray like it does change everything. And I want to be humble enough and also count myself worthy to ask to be prayed for. If God says that I matter to him, who am I to say that my little life isn't worth meriting intentional prayer for. If I matter enough for him to die, I don't need to wait until I have a life threatening disease or crisis to deserve passionate prayer.
I'm going to Haiti. Maybe. I'm not ready. I'm not equipped to spend a month in a third world country. I don't really know what third world means. I've been surrounded by wealth every day of my life. A place where there is no sanitation system. A place where there is no air conditioning. A place where you can't touch a lot of kids because you will get their diseases, or you can't forget to take a pill because you will get malaria, or you cant forget your 30% deet repellent because you will be swarmed with mosquitos.
I really don't want to even post this because I don't want anyone to think that its super cool to go into these incredibly harsh conditions or that being Christian means suffering as much as possible or that there is some third world glamour and something noble about doing this.
Its the lives of these Haitians. Its not impressive to go there for a month. Its no more and no less following Christ than if I hung out at Chesapeake or the beach for a month. Following Christ means proclaiming what he did on the cross, not having intense experiences. Lots of people have experienced lots more intense things. That really doesn't matter. I think that God is allowing me the opportunity to go because he loves me. I can't say that I am sure, but it is my thought for now. That He'd like to journey this with me and work through me in a place with a lot of needs.
But I'm really not capable of entering into these conditions. I'm really picky and difficult and just not flexible. I get upset when I don't get to eat what I want to eat. I hate being hot. I really hate bugs. I suck at taking medicine. I get sick all the time in Raleigh, probably like the safest place in the world.
So thats where prayer comes in. Because I am weak. But he is strong. I will be thirsty, but he said come to the waters and you will never be thirsty again. And Jesus became human. Me living sort of like I am Haitian instead of American is like a drop compared to Jesus becoming human and obedient to death.
So I'm going to ask that you make it part of your life, part of your mission from now until mid June, that I have discernment and strength and that I learn how to depend on Him and have an intimacy with Him that I have never known. And that in the process you learn to depend on Him and have an intimacy with Him that you have never known. And that you tell me how I can pray for you and that I have the courage to really, truly commit to prayer for you with my strength and my time knowing that it does matter.
Immensely.
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