new perspective

Comparing, I have decided, is poisonous to our souls. My heart is constantly measuring itself to every person around me making physical, spiritual, service, intelligence comparisons. I love to leverage myself above others and I am often so discouraged by seeing people who seem to do such amazing things while I do nothing at all. These past few days I have stumbled upon a new heart, one that delights in the work God is doing in others lives. Now, this should seem obvious but I cannot express how rare it is that I am settled enough in Jesus to be okay with me and not want to be everyone else and not need to justify all that i am doing in my head. It is okay that I don't have plans for this week or this weekend. A full schedule doesn't change who I am, it doesn't increase my loveliness in Christ's eyes nor account for my sin. I wish I knew how to stop asking people about what they are doing because i think it may be subtly crushing them. Maybe like me they feel that they are what they do. I'm not really sure what else to ask.
I was also thinking about how it is ridiculous to feel bad when I have done nothing and great when I have loved people hard or done service or whatever. I think its all mostly the same to God. He never has needed nor asked for my help. He requires my gaze. Simple, undistracted gaze. at the cross. At him. Whoever I think I am loving, he has love first. He has loved since before time and will continue to love them. So though my love brings glory to Him and lifts Him high, he is perfectly capable of drawing every person in the world to to Himself.
Sometimes I think I should try to vary it up a bit and not talk about Jesus every time I blog but I don't really know what else I would write about. Its not that I think about Jesus every second or anything but he really is the best thing that could ever happen to me. I would probably just talk about how beautiful my friends are or how much I hate ice and snow days the first week of the semester or my mom and my family because they are written on my heart. But that all seems like its still Jesus to me just not quite so directly.

I trust that you can make my heart yours alone. And as I grow into a heart just for you, Jesus, I will be able to love people further and deeper and harder knowing that all my love and worth and beauty is in you alone and that my heart is yours. When my heart is overflowing, pouring out love itself is a release. Take me there, Lord. Let me look at every person I encounter or pass by and see you standing there. Let me encourage people to go where Christ leads them without trying to keep them at my level. I love you.