So I'm starting social work classes and we spend most of our times talking about struggling people and the problems they are facing and its really hard because it seems like there are so many people who know so much and are trying to pull people out of poverty. And its really humbling because I have this thing where I think I know how to help people and I have all this knowledge on the practical basis to changing society but then I discover that there are tons of other people who actually know about it as well and are working really hard and yet problems are not going anywhere and poverty rate is stuck even though there are tons of programs in place and people way smarter than me doing exactly what I planned to do. The depth of the brokenness of our dying planet can be crushing. I think the beauty of it though is that it sends me to Christ. I leave class and I have to spend time with God. Its not really optional. Because there is nothing else to put hope in. It makes the beauty of our lives sweeter though. College is kind of like depend on Christ and then more and then more than that. And it makes me realize that so few people are dying to themselves. Including me. But when we go around class and say our biggest dreams and aspirations and everyone talks about graduating and jobs, thats as heart breaking as poverty. I have a problem solving nature and its so freeing to learn that there are so many problems I am not going to solve. And so many things I don't understand. Because its so satisfying to sit in Calculus and work out the right answer. Or to soak up culture in anthropology. Just to do things that produce desired results. I know that if I run, I will get faster and stronger and better. But if I pour into people they may not get better or stronger. My efforts aren't directly correlated with outcomes. They may be stuck in cycles they cant escape. And its not medicine. There aren't any easy cures for the soul. Jobs don't solve problems. Maybe surface level problems but not the problems of the soul. Being in shape isn't satisfying. Getting married doesn't dissolve loneliness.
And though I'm sure it sounds like I'm on the verge of nihilism, its really a beautiful place because there is nothing left but Christ. That is so glorious. And its like he said, if you're healthy you're indifferent to doctors. If you've sinned a little, you can only be forgiven a little. But I have sinned a lot and I am definitely sick and he is it. There is nothing else. And social justice loses all its luster but Christ cares for his creation and in Him all things hold together. And he is bringing restoration. There is nothing Christ will not restore. And I've always been fairly anti-Revelation but Revelation is creation being restored to Christ and the fact that God is here and eternity is here and as he said "It is finished."
And I can go to community group and I really do understand how desperately I have to cling to Christ and the body of Christ because it is beautiful. And we don't walk this alone. And it is so beautiful because we can come together and say, yes our hearts and our world are dark places and yes we are more apart from Christ than we can realize but he loves us more than we could ever hop or dream of being loved, IN our brokenness. We can come and be broken as one and know that there is healing. One of the lovely girls said healing is not when the pain gets buried and numb and comfortable. healing means unearthing everything and restoration. Complete restoration. Together. And we talked about bearing one another's burdens and that we will live out the gospel when we bear each others burdens. Burdens that we cant bear. There is no chance that we can bear them. But Christ can because his burden is easy and his yoke is light. But we have to come. And today I was so weary and so heavy laden, but as I type this I know that I offer it to him. I know that there is hope. And that he is here and has always been here and is coming still. And eternity becomes a deep desire in me because I dont want to cling to this life. I don't want to live for today.
Like Paul says in the end of his first letter to the Corinthians, "If we have hope in this life only, we of all people are most to be pitied."
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