Back

Well.
Back to school.
Not as perfect as I remembered somehow. Its still hard. Lonely. Thats okay though, I'm quite convinced. Jesus is here and he is enough. He is enough for the ones I love in Chesapeake who belong to Him not me. He is enough for the ones I love here in Raleigh. He's enough for me as I sit alone in my dorm probably smiling at my over-enthusiasm that always leads to anti climatic situations. He knows I'm just nervous because I don't have any idea what the heck I'm doing ever and most of the time I act like I do. He knows I want it to be clear: this is what I am doing for Jesus. I want to report to people my life is for jesus because of this this and this. Jesus wants me to do this. But Jesus wants me to do THIS-have nothing so that I learn every, single. day. that he's the same no matter what I am doing. He's like "I am enough for your loneliness, I am filling your dorm, and I am in your heart. There is nowhere you can go where you would be too far for me to gather you to myself"

My job as a human is to make much of jesus, pastor tyler would say. That we get to proclaim the unsearchable riches of christ. That he is absolutely crazy about the gentiles and the jews. And we've got to believe it for ourselves if we are to ever love someone else with THAT love and proclaim to someone else that they are loved far beyond what their strongest desire could wish for.

Its funny that I spent a month wanting deep, soul quenching time with God but was never alone enough to get it and ended out constantly drained and love-less. Then I have a whole day alone that I can offer to him and I started to spend it sadly shuffling things around the dorm and checking emails and stressing about new classes. Isn't this what I've been aching for? It reminds me of my little brother who will eat chicken nuggets every single day when there are hundreds of exciting, delicious meals to try. I look at him and think how can you settle for that, cling to that, when you could have so much more?

 I wonder if maybe Jesus looks at me and thinks the same thing.


just settling for letting the day whittle away or hanging out with friends when the love of my life is patiently waiting, forever pursuing me.

God,
give me your heart to treat my suite mates and my classmates and my friends and whoever else I happen to encounter as you would. To see them as extravagant and worth all my time and attention and life. Love me Lord that I have love to give.