Dear God,
Sometimes I wish my words could indicate your greatness. That they could sketch a vision of your glory. That they would be woven into a tapestry that presented you as the holy, perfect downpour that you are. i wonder if all writers sometimes feel they have spent all their words. No matter how artistic or brilliant my expression, it will not be an indication of your glory. And thats okay. I love that the greatest vision of all is not a beautiful, intellectual expression carefully crafted and highly impressive. It is Christ crucified. Thats it. If I try to spruce it up with all these lovely add ons, I'm almost suggesting that Christ crucified that you may live is not enough. It is everything. There is nothing to add or take away from what Christ did. We can only testify to it as truth.
I was reading today about bearing the beams of love. How we al run to take cover, terrified of these beams and settling for far less radiant sources of love. Love that will not last, love that tells us we have to come to the well over and over and over again. Love that is conditional and based on what we are capable of. Everyone is afraid, the author said, of being irradiated by love. Maybe thats why I don't stay with Jesus to long. Maybe thats why I invest in everything else. Maybe thats why I don't want to blog if I "don't have anything to say"
I have found that God alone can remove our deepest sin. Thats where the beams of love come in. They simply irradiate the darkness on our souls. I've thought about cancer a lot more since Libby got cancer. And I think cancer indicates sin better than any other disease. Because its something that is entirely part of you yet it will destroy you. And you can't get it out of yourself. And you cant just move around it or ignore it because its growing. And the process of getting it out is very painful. And I think letting sin go is very very hard as well. Its irradiated. We want it to be accepted. To be told that we are strong enough to keep it in control. To not surrender. We have to let go of something that really is a part of us because it is foreign to God and it was never ever meant to be a part of us.
And I have to start taking God's creation seriously. Treating them tenderly and lovingly. Investing my heart in people, not just my time and energy and knowledge. Offering them my heart itself. The thing I never really want to offer to anyone. God offered his.
K- I love you. Having you in my life as such an inspiration has led me to listen to sappy country love songs and when the artist is obsessing over the love of his girl and singing to her, the only thing I can think of when I hear "I need you to know you can fall into me. that my arms are wide open and will always be., right here waiting, staying strong, come and fall into me" is a call for me to fall into Christ. Thank you for always being that reminder that He's it and will always be there. Always.
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