Rest

"None of us is good at silence. It says to much." -Buechner

Silence is really hard. Really hard to dwell in. Really hard to make time for. Really hard to face. I have found that it takes me at least 20 minutes or so to even reach a place where my soul has become quiet enough to approach the Lord, to gaze on Jesus both by gazing inwardly and outwardly. God gave all us both a need to work and a need to rest. My work need is far on overdrive and my rest need has been suppressed continuously. I was very convicted the other day when a good friend observed that I seem addicted to serving. God calls us to serve with our life. But I saw that as spending more and more segments of the day involved in serving and getting a job that is serving and just serving all the time. Thats not what God meant at all. Serving starts in the heart. Serving is serving God with our breathing and our thoughts and our daily living not serving people on Gods behalf. Because then it is still about me. And I find when I am in solitude, when I become acquainted with God, and begin to be stripped of all that I have adorned myself with: all the glory and identity and struggle and dreams and all that has been put on me just by living in this world- that is when self love can be replaced by the robe of Christ's purity and perfection and beauty. And only after that comes a freedom to be with people in a new way-"a new attentiveness to their needs, responsiveness to their heart" (Robert Foster) and the freedom stems from the fact that I am not trying to be fulfilled by them or in serving them.
     Nouwen talks about the importance of silence to protect the inner fire. That the soul is like a the steam bath which doesn't ever get hot if the door is left open. The soul in saying so much dissipates the remembrance of God through speech and the intellect is just this outpouring of confused thoughts. Oh, how true this is in my life, as I come upon great thoughts, experience great conversation, learn continuously but am so busy, so unable to devote the time to process and dwell and reflect on the moments of the day, trace the presence of God. Yet God is real and God is so good. Lets marinate in this promise:

"I will feast the soul with abundance and my people shall be satisfied."
Jeremiah 31:14