I really shouldn't be writing given thats its so late but there is just too much to pour out, to much glory to give to the Lord to not. There is so much life in Christ. And I know I probably express that all the time. But I have found that sometimes I have the same revelation day after day partially because it is so true and partially because I forget every day. But I never want the cross to get old. I never want to have days where I am not astounded by the bounty of life God provides. I will never have a day where I do not seek my own glory, where I am again confronted by whether to take the path up or down. When I don't find a fuller definition of giving my life to Him.
I was talking to my dear friend Jessie the other day about how to spend time because I want to spend more and more with Jesus but meanwhile there is class and people and life going on and I cant spend it all hiding in Him. And she revealed to me this stunning notion of life with Christ, of holding Him dear to my heart throughout the day, sharing with Him as I walk, inviting Him into the little decisions, seeing his presence in conversation. And I start to see how he equips me. It is so humbling because it is absolutely illogical. Like I shouldn't be equipped the way I am and I know there is this force moving in me and through me and that it is the Spirit. Because I know myself, I know I have no ability to be someone my friends are thankful for. And how Christ's life was surrendered to the Spirit and the Father and that God does in us and through us what we could never do or prepare ourselves for. And the idea of living constantly with Christ is so precious to me. It is sweet to the taste. And as I reflect on the day, I see that in these everyday yet undeniably miraculous conversations I find myself in, I am interacting and spending time with the Lord. And as my heart grows the more I pour it out, the more I feel for people, I know that there is only one Replenisher.
And I've found that our understanding of the Word becomes real when it is in our lives. That studying ceaselessly, it will be just a study. But when something happens and you think back to the gospel you know. When I can't get a kid from Boys Club out of my mind, i know what Paul means as he tells these churches "you're written on my heart, I think about you all the time." I know what Paul means when he says your power is made perfect in weakness, I'm beginning to see the way Gods love is so different as John describes.
Thank you, Lord, Lover, Friend for being you. For being a poet and writing this hurting humanity love sonnets in the Word and in the skies and in the trees that fall. Thank you for holding my hand as you gently reveal to me the darkness of my heart-though its depth makes me want to run. But even more God that you would use me, and grow me, and love me and that I wouldn't even know what was happening and you do it just because you're you. And thank you Jesus for living and for dying so that my condemnation was stamped on your bloodstained brow that now when I choose the world over and over, every time you rescue me saying "No, not her. She is mine." And God teach us that uncomfortable truth that the people we want to label "most" sinful, the people who's depravity is limitless, the traffickers and abductors and corruptors-those that we essentially condemn to hell-you say "No. Not even him. Not even her. They also can come into these arms. Because it is what I did not what any human being did or did not do that gives them the chance to be embraced by my perfect Papa."