Being the Body and Bride of Christ

Sometimes, a lot of the time I make this blog about me. And its just such a journey to see what it means to give it to God and let it be His. I don't know why I hold on to so much that belongs to Him, that I would love to let go of like my life. I glanced at the entry I had written from Tuesday and I was so surprised. You see, I never read them so I started and I just thought "I didn't write that. I don't have those words. I never could have written something like that." And it just humbled me so much that when its so late and I just sit typing away God could come in to these fingers and weave Himself into the text showing on the page. And that even when I think I'm making it about me, and I am of course, that he is still making it about Him. And I learned anew that He is doing things that we could not do, but in us and through us and we don't even know its happening. That we won't ever know the ways he works, the way the kingdom is advanced that He has us be apart of. Because we are beautiful to Him. Beautiful.
Last night I was watching the rain and I always have these revelations but I just thought that I don't need revelations. SOmetimes I need to just be with my Savior. Just look at what He is doing. He is doing so much. And the rain is just so tragic and delightful and fast and slow all at once. And I always rush through it or get frustrated by it or barely take note of it but I never just watch it. I never just watch anything. Because thats a waste of time and I just like as if time is this precious commodity that I can exploit and hold and manipulate. And I can. But it will be my loss. Because it doesn't belong to me. And the harder I fight for time, the more of it that slips out of my grasp. (as I am typing this it just started raining. That would be God I believe.)
I've been thinking about how I can't give love unless I get it from God first. That it has to spill out from the top while I try to shake out those last drops, the dregs of love. And thats lovely because we have no choice but to love God lots and lots if we want to love people. Because when we love Him a little, He loves us a lot. Like sprinkling versus downpour. I can't even imagine how he has such love in Him. It defies logic. And I never thought of myself having a finite amount of love but I certainly do. But He has an infinite amount of love that-and I was going to say tap into but thats wrong-an infinite amount of love to lavish on me that I may be Jesus, for real not figurative, and love people. And this I think is a little bit of what they mean when they talk about the mystery because its nothing but mystery really. And that Christ is not made real in people's lives by the message that a guy died for you a long time ago. He is made real in love. And love comes through people first and then directly through God. And so our love is so significant. Our one to one love, life on life love. Thats where gospel is-not in a speaker to a group or in a building or in a book. We are both His body-His hands, His feet, His eyes, His words and His bride. And that in order to be the body you must be the bride because the love does not come from anything we have of our own. And in order to be the bride we must be the body because  its the only way to know Him. Both cause each other and result form each other and exist in harmony. And  both are made real only when we come lay our head's on Christ's chest. Not that we accept or consider that John rested on his chest but that we do it. We dare to be enveloped in that sort of intimacy. That sort of love.