Not that holy and not actually going to change the world

I'm just going to throw it out there that some days are harder than others. For all of us. I guess this is obvious and may sound dumb but I am one of those people that pretends to believe stuff like that but really in my heart, not so much. Those days are almost guaranteed to be the days I don't blog. I'm usually not too too self conscious about my writing but it surfaces from time to time. Like right now I'm wondering if I should change what I write and how. Not like stop talking about Jesus, but you don't have to talk directly about Him because i think you are kinda always talking about Him because in Him all things hold together. But its kind of one of those things that maybe ever writer struggles with is that you want what you write to mean something to someone and be popular and cool change lives and all that. But once you start trying to do that you're basically going to lose your spark, probably. And sometimes you may just be like Picasso or van Gogh or every other masterpiece maker who really isn't appreciated until after they are dead. Well, I don't really think I'm anything like any of those guys, but you get the point. Just write what your heart says and if my heart is on Jesus which it is a lot of the time when i am writing just because that is really how we fell in love then he's the guy I'll write about. And the nice thing about Jesus is that you don't have to be cool or incredible or applauded or have 500 followers because He really is enough. He's crazy about me. Not because of my writing or grades or dreams but just because I'm me. And thats enough. But I get really nervous because writing brings out a lot of the holiness and love for jesus in me which of course is beautiful but if you just see my writing or even most people who see me on a regular basis may think I sort of have it all together. With jesus or whatever. I really really really don't. you just have to trust.me. I don't want to hang out with him all the time. Sometimes I don't even feel like talking to him at all.

I was talking to a friend about changing people. You cant, he said. you're just not going to. Gods the only one that ever changes anyone. And I think about how I have this idea in my heart that I am going to change the world. Or at least a community or a city or some lives. But I'm not because all those things are made up of people. And people are changed by God. We can be his instruments but He is the one that moves in their heart. And the reality is, of course that is true. He was the only one big enough to change me. and to continue to change me. No one else. Yes, God uses our words and our actions and our love in ways that are far more than we ever hoped or dreamed. But he is the one who makes it deep into our hearts, into places that no human can really go within another. He is the only changer.