Jesus love,

Come into this heart of mine this morning. That I may know you, may know that you are God. That I may rest in your holiness. Today, Jesus, I prayed for people in my life. It is a beautiful thing to truly pray for people. It is so rare that I actually do. But to sit and wait until you put a name or a face into my mind and then to lift them up to you. And say Lord; I’ve come to you on behalf of Ansilta. Or Regan. Or Amanda. And spend a moment asking you to do what only you can in their lives and their hearts. Asking you to captivate them and to bring them into your love. Lord, I am beginning to see that if I am not praying for someone I maybe cannot say that I am in community with them, ministering to them, loving them. If I have people that I believe you have called me to, and I do, I need to be setting aside time to pray just for them.

Jesus, I have few words when I come to you. What do I say to the maker of the universe? The creator of my heart? The owner of my life? Silence scares me, lord. I seek to fill it up with words. Whether I am with you or with someone else. But there is a lovely line of yours embedded in the beautiful book of psalms that Amanda revealed to me just last night.

Let the words of my mouth and the

Meditation of my heart

Be acceptable in your sight

O Lord, my rock and my redeemer.

God, the best times of my life are times with you. The world tells me to be useful, to be important, to do many great things, but I know when I am with you that this is what I am supposed to do. That if I am not yours, not attentive to the word you speak to me and the actions you call me to, its useless. I know that is a strong statement to make, Jesus, and I pray Lord that if someone reads this post they do not think I am trying to tell them there work is useless. I only know for myself lord that the choice I make is either me or you. That I cannot live for other people. I can perform no entirely altruistic act. That ultimately my humanness makes me focus on a self love and a self protection and a self promotion, even if I am serving. That is a still about my usefulness. Still about me. You alone lord, can crucify that in me. When I choose you, I choose the world as well. Because you chose the world. You died for the world. You did not count equality with God as something to be grasped but made yourself nothing, humbling yourself to death, even death on a cross. And only if I am detached from the world, if I can stop asking the world and its people, are you pleased with me? Have I done enough? Am I good enough? Then I can love them. When I need nothing in return.

Lord, even as I write this, I know that nothing I say is new. Nothing is revolutionary. They are ancient truths. Ancient even to my walk. The same struggles I’ve had my along my walk with you. So there is a voice in me that says, you’ve said this before. Not only you, but so many before you. No one needs to read what they already know. I don’t think that voice is yours Jesus. I know that my writing and my prayers belong to you. And I know that it really matters not if no one is moved by these simple, old words. Because if you say, I want to use your words, even though I see no value in them, if you want to use them, they are yours. You can do with them what I cannot. They are just words. Just letters strung together. But if you want to breath life into someone and in some tiny ways use one or a few of the words in this prayer, I cannot say no. So take this prayer, and do what you wish with it. Again lord, let me not obsess over the usefulness but write to you and pray to you because I love you and let you do what you want with me and with everything that I do.

Make me more deeply and entirely yours. Crucify me with you that I may live you. That is a prayer for every day, not for once in my walk. I love you.