I don't know that I will be blogging much longer. I am losing the sense that I have something lovely to say to the world. And more so, if I am writing I want to be writing to Jesus. My desire to be a writer is waning and my desire to know him is growing. I know that in some strange way he has brought glory to himself through this but I have to filter to write a blog and filtered writing feels fake. Perhaps I will write and eventually turn it into a book. Or just let the words be kept with him. I dont care. He can do whatever he wants with any word I write or utter. It matters not. What do I have to say to whoever may be reading this? Press into the heart of Christ. He loves you like no one else ever will. I don't know what you're running after but I don't think you'll find it. I never found it until I found him. The only way to know jesus is to meet with him. Until you cant take your eyes off him. I'm not there yet. To where I can't take my eyes off of him. Stop being busy. It sucks to stop but it will suck more to get to the end of your life and realize you spent most of it running after nothing. Stop being with people every second. Stop listening to music and studying and watching tv and reading and figure out what the heck your heart is after anyways. Figure out what brings you joy. nothing you can earn here you can take with you when you die. Our pastor last night talked about adoption. That when jesus says he's going to adopt us, he wants to tell everyone else in the orphanage he will take them too. That they are orphans no longer. He doesnt want us to spend all our time making our orphan rags fancier, he has a whole new outfit for us. These tattered rags were leaving behind. He doesnt want us to make up our little orphan bed or try to accumulate lots of grimy broken toys. He is taking us to his home. We will take nothing here with us. Nothing here will be worth any value because he will have everything we need. He came and he said, listen I am going to prepare a place for you and I am coming back for you. I will not leave you here. I will come back and take you with me. Nothing can stop me. Nothing will keep us apart. So tell everyone. Tell them that I am coming and I will take them too. I have infinite rooms. There is no one I'll turn down. Tell them they are orphans no longer. Tell them there is something better than this.
You may call it idealism, but I refuse to believe this is all there is. This world. This brokenness. I think I'd be more satisfied if this was it. I don't think I'd wake up every day this thirsty. Thats just me.