rejoice

I have a constant temptation to go on and keep looking for what is close at hand. I've gone to sit in a new coffee shop and decided almost immediately that I was unable to interact with Jesus here. That its just not possible. And seriously contemplated leaving and going to my favorite coffee shop. But as I've been sitting here I realized that Jesus is right here. That life is right here. And this is such a small example but it is such an example of how I live my life..thinking that my mission and Jesus isn't wherever I am. And thats probably one of Satan's favorite tactics to keep us from living on mission or being with Jesus. I've got to open my eyes. If jesus wanted me somewhere else right now, that is where I would be. But I'm here. And a lot of it is me trying to get off the hook. I want to separate my life into things that are my mission and things that aren't. That way I can excuse myself whenever I want to and put my walk with Christ in my control. I say I need solitude but I know that what I really need is community to call me out in the way that solitude doesnt. Its always both or neither. When I am afraid to be alone is when I need to be alone and when I am afraid of people is when I need to meet with people and share my heart. When I am afraid of pouring my heart into this city is when I need to give my life away and when I start to worship the work God has given me is when I need a whole lot of nothing to remind me that Jesus is the redeemer not me. Its one life. I've got to stop living like the next thing is going to be "it". I dont ever even know what "it" is but I am always convinced its coming. My mom and I both struggle with decision making and with not letting go once the decision is made. Its cool to see because we both have really big hearts to pour out and I think its a way were kept from expanding the kingdom because we become so hesitant and immobilized.

Just random thoughts but another thing I found really crazy was the call of Jesus to rejoice always. Jesus leaves us no room for self pity and wallowing. And those are things that I may rarely do publicly but often soak in internally. To be quite honest, I love holding on to internal struggle while putting on a public face. And I've been so humbled by the idea that nothing is hidden from Him. He knows me to the depths. And the only one he put in my care is myself. Because my soul is the only one I'll ever really know. And thats how we all are. He wants us. Not our work. He doesn't need our work. Or our time or our money. When we fall for Him we give him all of that because it loses its value to us. But he doesn't need any of it. He doesn't need us either but he desperately wants us. I dont know how or why but he really does. Enough to come and die. He has made us perfect. The law was never going to make us perfect. But he did it. And that is worthy of all rejoicing. There is nothing more beautiful. Nothing. There is no brokenness he has not redeemed by his death. In us or outside of us. Lets rejoice!