Come to my rescue

When a branch separates from the vine, it withers and dies. I'm trying to separate myself from the vine right now. I'll wither apart of Jesus. All my hope is in him. He told this parable about a banquet where he invited all these people but they said they were busy, that they didn't have time for his banquet. So he called the poor and blind and crippled and lame and said come to my banquet. I think that I would be in the group who says they are busy. Please, Jesus, don't ever let me think that what I am doing is so important I don't have time for you. Please remind me everyday that all my offerings amount to nothing, that you made one offering at one moment in time and you perfected me for all time with that offering. And you perfected all people who are being sanctified with that offering. God I don't really want to invite you into my heart today because I am very comfortable with a business exchange between us or viewing you as my manager or a friend or someone who I can be close to but not too close but you're coming in and all the way in. Where I wouldn't let anyone else go. And thats okay because you will love me. You know me and you have known me since before creation and you will know me until the end of eternity. Even I don't know me like you do. And we get to be together even though there was no hope of reconciliation until christ. But now that we do have confidence to draw near, don't let me neglect from drawing near. Don't let me decline the banquet. You know my heart. Take it. A shepherd who is not fed well cant care for their sheep. They may devour them. Or let the sheep devour them. There is nothing honorable about a starving shepherd. Not to mention, you are the shepherd and we are all just sheep. While variation may seem vast to me, in terms of separation from who you are, we are equally far. All entirely broken. Let me look at all those you have allowed me to touch and all those who have touched me and see them how you do. Nothing less than beloved. Let every ounce of my focus be upon you and you only. Let my whole gaze rest on you all the time. Looking upon you changes everything. I cant change myself. I am part of the brokenness of this world, not part of the solution. I am breaking creation and destroying it not saving it, not making it perfect. But you are restoring it to yourself and restoring me to yourself. And thats all that matters. Don't let me be so afraid of prayer and solitude and the darkness I have to face in my resting and the strength it takes to truly rest and be with you in fullness. Drawing near is terrifying. I cant do it without you. I love you.

Krystal