Jesus is Alive

Dear Lord,

         I've been struck by the lack of prayer in my life lately. Such a rich, sweet gift you have given us that I rarely take the time to soak in. How lovely that you want to know me. I still sometimes pray as if I am giving a report, making requests, almost treating it like  buisness meeting or like you asked me what I've been doing. I know that every time I talk to you, you are delighted, but I imagine that maybe you just want to be with me and spend time together. To appreciate your creation together. To lauch or to cry together. As I have been learning about what it means to care for someone, I am beginning to feel that if I am not intentional about praying for them, I cant possibly be caring for them well. It changes my entire perception about them and grows my love so much when I really pray for someone, thinking about the gifts you have given them, the impact they are making, their needs and their struggles. And it draws us together, Jesus, as we ponder over this delightful person you have created so well. I've come to the conclusion that I cannot be pursuing or discipling more people than I can be intentional about praying for. Prayer really does change everything, yet I so rarely make it a priority. The depth and desplacement of it turns me away to safer territory..reading a book, checking email, meeting with people...Even now, God literally as I write this, I think of someone I need to call, a project I need to start working on, my schedule for the day, whats happening tomorrow...It is so hard just to be with you and focus on you but you are far more worthy of my attention and thoughts and prayers than anything else. Any thing else.
           Jesus, I have been so amazed by the ways I have seen you in people this week. You have humbled me by showing me how at work you are in the soil of the soul of everyone I encounter. You really dont need me at all. But, still you bring me in and let me be a part of it. I am often so concerned with whats next, what still needs improvement, where people are far from you..there is so much to celebrate! The spiritual depth of my bible study girls is astounding. One of them last night was talking about how life with you is just so much more beautiful and how she would never imagine it another way. Other friends have come with brilliant ideas about how to make much of Jesus like a bible study running group. Okay, my church in Chesapeake sent me a valentines day care package. I felt so loved. Members at church here are doing crazy things for the kingdom. A man I met sunday named Jimmy wanted to tell me all about you. He looked like you. Seriously I just looked at his face and I understood some small bit of the gravity of your statement that when we feed the hungry we're feeding you. It just turns me on my head Jesus that I am going down there to encounter you, not to bring you to people. Youre already there. And my family, love. I don't even know how to treasure them the way my heart wants to. And Libby Ryder finished her last chemo. Done. Cancer has no hold on you Jesus. Death cannot contain you. Nor us.
        The more I am with you Jesus, the more I want to talk about everyone else and how beautifully they are glorifying you and the less I want to talk about my life. Except the parts that you saturate. But its nice to take the pressure off and realize its all you. The disciples in acts said, Jesus youre the one stretching your hand out to heal, not us. It may look like our hands but its not at all. Let that be my prayer everyday. You heal south Raleigh. You show girls how beautiful they are. You raise up Godly men who want to die to themselves that you may live. You grow beautiful women of Christ who understand that the call to submission is a beautiful thing, not something to scorn or deny. You have reconciled everything to yourself and the victory has been won. Let us celebrate what you did and do and will do forever and give us the courage to do what we absolutely cannot that all will know its you. That they will see our boldness and that we are uneducated, common people and know that we have been with you. Thats the hope. (Acts 4)