to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life.

Christ is faithful to us, even when we are not faithful to him because he cannot disown himself.
This morning is one where I simply, humbly come before the Father with Christ. Knowing that I have nothing to offer my Father that would make me righteous in his sight. I come on a day where I know that I am not content with what he has given me, and I am sinning against Him in my constant discontent with the Giver who gives me what I need, not what I want. I came bitter and irritated. Uninterested in his gorgeous words that he has carefully chosen for me in order that I may know him. I am frustrated because I wanted something other than a morning with my Father and my family. As I write it, I'm ashamed. Who am I to want anything else? Surely, there is nothing better than this. My love for God gets so tangled up in my need to be useful, meaningful and needed, day after day, week after week. My need to be smart and strong and affirmed. And when God is separated from those other things, my affection for him changes. Not because he is not good, but because I am not good. And in my sinfulness, I forget that he is not here to meet my need, that I am here to glorify him. That he loved ME first. Sent his son first. Brought me to himself. Chose me when there was no logical reason to choose me to save me. Its all about Him.

I'm sure I've posted this quote many times before but it continues to be one that God uses to speak into my life time after time...

All that is not the love of God has no meaning for me. I can truthfully say that I have no interest in anything but the love of God which is in Christ Jesus. If God wants it to, my life will be useful through my word and witness. If he wants it to, my life will bear fruit through my prayers and sacrifices. But the usefulness of my life is his concern, not mine. It would be indecent of me to worry about that. 

I don't know why this is extra precious to me this morning but I love what Peter says to Jesus. 

But there are some of you who do not believe.” (For Jesus knew from the beginning who those were who did not believe, and who it was who would betray him.) And he said, “This is why I told you that no one can come to me unless it is granted him by the Father.” After this many of his disciples turned back and no longer walked with him. So Jesus said to the Twelve, “Do you want to go away as well?” Simon Peter answered him, “Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life. We believe and know that you are the Holy One of God. 

Are you going, he asks? Do you see the cost? I know that this is hard. Harder than you imagined. I know that you're tired. I know that I ask for everything. Your entire life. All that you have, all that you are. I know that I bid you come and die. 

And we get to look at him and say, Jesus, to whom shall we go? You, and you alone have the words of eternal life. Where am I going to go Jesus? Yes, its harder than I thought. Far more humbling. For more sin in me than I cared to see, than I imagined. We are far more broken and far loved than we can comprehend. And ultimately its the question that he asks. Who do you say that I am? and Do you want to go away as well? 

We get to look at him and say, To whom shall we go? 

No matter how hard it is, how enticing another life is, how good it is-all the time we get to look at him and say, to whom shall we go? When God did not spare his own Son for us, and he is for us, who can be against us?