the greatest privilege

Sometimes all that we can do is confess our inadequacy. What a glorious confession it is. As I pray to you, Lord, I don’t know how to lead girls to love you and follow you in Chesapeake VA. I don’t know your sons and daughters here the way you do. But I know that you are greater than I am, and that you know what I do not know. I know that your Spirit dwells in me. God, I so want every minute of the day to be what you want it to be, wherever I am. As I spend these hours here in my house please show me Lord how I can glorify you with them. How I can draw near to you. How I can follow your commandments. I get to meet with girls, God, but I don’t know what to say. I don’t know how to disciple them or encourage them or be Christ like with them. I know to be quick to listen and slow to speak. I know that you call the older women (spiritually) to pour into the younger women. I know that you remind me that there is nothing beyond Christ crucified, that I need no lofty arguments or sophisticated thoughts or plans for discipleship-all I need is Christ crucified. God, I am home with my family and I don’t know how to live missionally with them, how to live out the gospel with them. 

But I say this all with absolute joy because YOU KNOW. You, my King and my Father, are all powerful. You supply every need. You promise you will supply every need. And sometimes its just matter of showing up. Showing up in the lives of the girls that I love. I don’t know the ins and outs of discipleship. Of following Jesus. Of a life fully surrendered to him. The precious words-“I no longer live but Christ lives in me”

What mystery and comfort. Because if I no longer live, my fear of failing at following you is dispelled. My fear of my inability to share the gospel is gone. You can save people however you want to. Any person, anywhere. You could appear right now-reveal yourself and the fullness or even an ounce of your glory, of Christ and what he was done and they would fall on their knees and profess you as lord. But in your way that is not my way, you have chosen your people who know you and your Son as the way by which you will save all of those that you have chosen. Not one of yours will be lost. They are already sealed with you, hidden in Christ. Its done. All the work is completely done. So I cannot fail, because I am joining you and the battle is already won. There is no more fear because you are sovereign. So I confess my inadequacy with joy. Such joy. What mystery. That you would say, my darling, I’ve given you four weeks in your hometown. It is a gift from me to you, my daughter. Because I am as a Father should be and I give my children bread not snakes. I provide for them. I delight in them and they delight in me. Look at this gift, this gift that you didn’t expect and you’ve rejected so many times.

And I can only look at you and say you’re right, Dad. It’s a privilege. It’s a privilege to surrender to you. It’s a privilege to drive to Grassfield high school where I went to school, where I was redeemed by you and freed from the yoke of slavery and sin and pick up freshmen girls. The same girls that I have known since my senior year of high school. Who have a desire to follow you. And I desire to meet with me and to open up your Word. And Satan so wants to steal my joy with legalism and replace your gospel with another gospel that is based on works and purity and perfection and my own version of the circumcision the Galatians turned to. And Paul says to these men and women who have heard the true gospel-don’t fall for that trap where Christ is of no value to you. Don’t let your joy be stolen. Rejoice, again I say rejoice. Can you not see the mystery that God has chosen you and placed and appointed you RIGHT where you are to contribute to his redemption of his people. He is using you to redeem sons and daughters. You get to go with the Shepherd to search for the lost sheep. You get to go with him as he sweeps the house for the lost coin. And he finds them, doesn’t He? Always. Always finds his own, brings them back. Nothing can stop him from going after finding the one that he lost. And you are a part of that! The only mission that will not fail and will not fade and will not disappoint. The only one worth living for.

God says to me

Remember little one,

There is no greater privlidge.

Nothing better than being in my will.

Nothing better than being where I call you.

Then being right where you are right now.

It gets no better than this.

Being a part of my redemption of my people.

And glorifying me BY loving me and delighting in me.

And you get to do it every day.

Every day darling.

For the rest of your life.