midday love letter

Dear Jesus,

I have half an hour in between class to write you a love letter. What a gift. You have entrusted me with much. You tear me that you may heal me. You break me down that you may build me. You say, what will I do with you, Krystal? With love like the morning dew, that is gone by the time the sun has fully risen. I know, Jesus. I know that I have a love that  fades fast. And you have a love that is steadfast. And I know jesus that you look at me, look deeply and say that your desire, the Fathers desire is for steadfast love, for mercy, not for sacrifice. And I say, what does that mean love? To give mercy not sacrifice. And you weave things together perfectly and you have brought me the writings of a man who knew you well, a man named Dietrich, who reminds me that spiritual love is not the same as human love. That spiritual love is not desire, not the desire I have to be fulfilled as a human being but service. Service purely to Christ. And that I interact with people through you, never directly. And that I love them without looking to what they have to offer me. A love that is pure. A love that is selfless. A love that allows them to be saved by Christ not by me. I will save no one. I will save no wayward, broken soul. No community in shambles. No poverty. I am not redeemer. You are redeemer. You are Savior. You are the fulfillment of my desire. And you allow me to be lost in you and my mission to be lost in yours. Which is perfect. You make all things new. You are the king of glory. You say, open up your gates and let me in. I’m not so sure about that. Honestly. Today is a day I’m not interested in letting anyone in, especially you. Because today I don’t feel like existing deeply, I feel like being busy and irritable and doing lots of work so I don’t have to think about much. But then you say, not today my love. Today is a day I have MADE, rejoice and be glad in it. Be still, still, and know that I am God. And know that I am good. And know that this day is holy, unutterably holy, because I have called you by name and I have also renamed you. And TODAY you receive your true image, which Jesus Christ has given you, the image HE HIMSELF embodied and has now stamped on all men. And today is also the day that you can meet people with the word of Christ and leave them with it. And meet them and offer them the image Christ gives to both of you.