the homeless

For the first time in my life I was asked if I was homeless. I am not. And I don't live the life that the homeless do. And I can never forget that as I interact with them. Until today, I didn't know what it felt like to be offered food or asked if I was okay. I decided earlier this week that I would go to Moore Square sunday. Thinking that it would be a warm sunny day and there would be lots of people out and I could connect with people I've met before and meet new people. But today was not nice outside. Its dreary and freezing and raining. And the last thing I wanted to do after church was go stand outside in Moore Square. But the people who are homeless don't have the luxury of deciding whether or not they want to be outside. I decide if I want to go to a shelter to volunteer. They don't have much of a choice. I decide if I want to go to third world countries. I decide when I want to go to South Raleigh or Hunter Elementary. And the fact that it is a conscious choice that I make creates a barrier between me and the people I encounter. A tension. So I really can't think of myself as noble or as great because I "serve" more than other people. Am I not just serving myself? My need to be needed and to be helpful and someone who helps the homeless? We are destroying the dignity by dehumanizing this whole group of people into just The Homeless. So anyways I went down there today and there was hardly anyone out there. But it was closer than I usually get to experiencing a sliver of what life is like. Just standing there in Moore Square. And no one could really figure out what I was doing there. And I don't really know either. I wasn't there to hand out sandwiches. Because the problems don't get fixed by giving out sandwiches. So I'm not homeless but I'm not there to help the homeless either. I guess I'm there to be helped by the homeless. Because I have a lot to learn from them. They have a lot to teach me. They matter to JEsus, just like I do. Not more and not less. He has a plan for them just like he has one for me. They are not my mission or my ministry. They are sons and daughters of the most high God. Nothing less. And I wasn't with a group of people, I was just alone. And I just stood there. Talked to a few people. And realized all I had was my bike, and campus seems so far away on this freezing rainy day. A lot of these people don't have cars. They don't have the control that we have over where they go. I don't know yet what it looks like to minister to the impoverished. I don't know what it means to clothe the naked or loose the bonds that bind people unfairly. But I'm learning that its very different than anything I have ever known. I'm discovering the self-seeking nature of all my service. And that I only want to stay for a little while. Outside, that is. I guess I'm realizing that I have to depend on Christ. That he is beautiful. That he is patient with me and my ignorance. He's crazy about me. And that he is better than anything else. He's the only place where life is found. Thats all I know for sure. And that I'm not going to save the world. Jesus already did. He's the only one who could.