My presence will go with you and I will give you rest

Psalm 5:3 In the morning, O Lord, you hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before you and wait in expectation.
Christian leadership is founded on dependence on God. Dependence on God is contrary to leadership skills you learn in books and classes and programs. Christian leadership, and Christians in general because the Lord calls all of us to do great things for his kingdom, spends time praying Show me your ways not developing strategies, not sending emails, not making contacts. We do all of those things, but we pray. Christian leadership says, no matter how good this looks, how strategic this is, how much sense it makes, if you will not go with me God, I am not going. Because I value your presence with me more than anything else. It says I not only lay my requests before you, I wait in expectation. It is the only leadership I know that requires rest. God said to Moses and says to us, My presence will go with you and I will give you rest. God you know how small rest is in my life right now. And I have to see that for what it is: my own refusal to seek your presence above all else. My inability to understand that praying for the girls you have placed in my life matters more than being with them, doing homework with them, doing bible study with them. Lord, you know that I have blatantly chosen to ignore your command 6 days you shall work and the 7th you shall rest. Rest is not something you suggest for our personal well being. Rest is a declaration that my faith is in you, that you will do exactly what you want to do with me and with my life, that you will use me to bring more fame and glory to your son, that you will work through me and that I am already a member of your family and a bearer of your name. Rest is the means by which I learn to depend on you when I am convinced that I don't have time to rest. Rest means that I choose you over everything else in my life. 
And I am not resting. And I am not putting dependence on you first. 
So I beg you lord, show me your ways again and again. Show me who you are. Build in me a lovely, shocking dependence on you. One that speaks out into my classes, into my school, into my relationships. 


What a tragedy lord, that I am known for doing so much when I could be known for my love for you.