Day 1
On the flight going to Port au Prince. Thankful for the beautiful fact that I get to return to a place I love and a place the lord loves more. I have no idea why he would choose to draw me into HIS pursuit of this country and its people when I have very little to offer, but as he has done with everyone he is used, he takes the least likely and allows them to join him in his work so that there is no doubt in people’s minds that the work is completely His. I read in C.S. Lewis’s The Great Divorce a few minutes ago that there are only two kinds of people, those who say to God “Thy will be done” and those to whom God says THY will be done and the choice is ours.
Sweet lord, my prayer is that thy will and not mine be done in these two weeks.
I have been reading exodus which has been an unexpected way the lord has chosen to prepare my heart as I see the stubbornness of the people and see so much of myself in them, in their inability to trust God as he leads them through the wilderness, their sense that they were better off in the bonds of slavery that the groaned to God for him to take them out of.
I know their fear. Their lack of trust. I share those things. And just as my first trip earlier this year, it is hard to quiet the doubts in my mind. It is hard not to wonder how in the world I’m going to serve Go while I’m here. It is hard not to think about the people in my life that I can speak with, that I know, that I can share the gospel with in the way I live and wonder if I am taking an easier route by going to a country of gorgeous people who love the lord with deep passion whom I love but don’t really know and won’t be able to know in the course of two weeks. But who I am to say how the lord would like to work and what he is doing? I know only that his ways are not my ways, his thoughts not my thoughts. They are far better. My mom and I have been leaning on a text in Isaiah 30 that says whether you go to the right or the left you will hear a voice saying this is the way, walk in it. Discernment is hard. But the lord can work with us and frankly he is great enough to work in spite of us, and His strength is made perfect in our weakness.
My prayer for now is simply, My Father, thy will be done. Whatever it is. Use me if it pleases you, but I know you have no need for me. Draw me close to you. Draw my family close to you because I hate being away from them. I love being with them. I wish they were on this flight with me. I pray for obedience to you this trip, Lord. I pray that you break my heart for what breaks yours and you grow my affection for Christ. I pray that as your ambassador I shine you well, and that being here equips me to shine you well this semester. I love you.
And now I'll share a little bit about the last few days. I am tired, but it is the good kind of tired. The tiredness that comes with a good day. Weve been to Cappva (the tent city) three times now and it would be hard to overstate how deep my affection has grown for the community, the kids, and the adults. There are these little moments that make it so good-we taught them duck duck goose today and it was so wonderful to see the joy on the faces of the adults as the kids enjoyed it so much-they were laughing and yelling, running all over the place. My favorite moments are when three or four kids (or twelve but that gets a little stressful) get real close and sit on your lap and braid your hair and hold your hands. It teaches me so much about God because they are so good at simply loving and no one taught them that. It is their nature. Its just the way they are. The divine image of their creator shines so gloriously in their smiles and mannerisms and personalities. What a blessing to see. We have had really sweet time with kids in general and that has been a huge gift over the first part of our trip. I am learning the beauty of being present with people. I am learning the joy simply of living and not needing specific reasons or accomplishments to be joyful. I learned the haitian way of washing clothes today with one of the girls who lives on the compound. Her little brother and I have been playing soccer every afternoon (sweet of him to humor me). Being with this family is one of my favorite parts of this trip. Another is when I see someone from summer for the first time. We are both so excited. I've noticed everyone asks how my family is. I wish we did more of that in the communities I am a part of back home. It is such a good question to ask, and remarkable when they know nothing about and have never met my family and yet they care a lot about them because they care about me. I am with 4 really wonderful people, and it is such a huge blessing to be on this trip with them. One I met while we were both here in the summer, his wife, their niece and her friend which are close to my age. Coming alone in the summer, there was a lack of community in Christ that I belonged to and it has been a huge gift from the lord to be with them, pray with them, work through unexpected and new situations and experiences with them and be in Christ filled fellowship. I am convinced that we are called to travel together rather than alone. that we are unaware of the depth God has intended for Christian community. It is a way He loves us well. So all is well here. God is faithful, work for the lord is plentiful but rest is as well. I have been forced into rest I would never have chosen, learning how often I use work as an escape and a distractor rather than as a way to glorify the lord. I am praying for openness and for God to continue to use us in his handiwork which alone will last.
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