day 2 in Haiti

Back in Haiti. It is a gift to return to a place that I love and that has done so much for me. It is my second morning here, I hope to write often to share what is happening. We spent yesterday in Cappva which is a tent city, where 500 families live in tents. One of the smaller tent cities. They have been there since the earthquake and have nowhere else to go. They could be evicted any day.
There is an overwhelming sense that coming to Haiti for 12 days will do little for the situation. Undoubtebly, we will accomplish very little in many senses of accomplishment. However, we are very lucky to come here as followers of the Lord and he is doing much in Haiti. In hearts, in leaders, in life changing. And he has much to do in our own hearts while we are here. And still I feel poverty while I am here. Not the poverty of the haitians, I would never claim that I could feel that, but my own. My inability to do much. My inability to speak to them. My inability to make a plan, to make decisions, because I can't just jump in my car and drive where I want to or see who I want to. Nothingis about me here. And I know that it is very good for me. To be in a place where I can relearn the gospel and relearn that the Lord loves me because of his infinte goodness and mercy and the work done on the cross, not because I am a good servant. I must be thankful for what he gives me. Yesterday he shared with beautiful children of his whose homes are in Cappva. He shared with me one little ounce of His love for them and I was nearly overwhelmed. By their smiles and their hands and their eyes. That have joy abounding in them. And I wonder where in the world this joy is coming from. And I do not know. I do not know where they find such gorgeous joy when I, who have been given so much, are so often brought down by fear and stress and worry about things that are so so small. So insignificant. And I have been able to see the work of the Haitains, who are so much more faithful to these people and their struggles then I am. My friend Max said to me yesterday that he was going to keep living in Cite Soleil, the worst slum in Haiti and one of the worst in the world, because he wanted to be with the people. He wanted to be among them. To serve them. To be a part of their community. And that is the way to love. And he said he would do that instead of making more money and living somewhere better because he is not staying here. Not here as in Haiti, but here as in on this earth. He knows that he is going somewhere that will be more beautiful and perfect than anyone could ever imagine and that for now he will live with this utmost discomfort. How humbling to see someone living like that. I know that the time that will be spent in this beautiful place will not be in vain because we did not come to fix problems, I know that there is so little in 12 days that I could do to help anyone. No, I am here to see the people that I love. To meet new people. To come back to kids that I have missed. Whose pictures are on my wall. To be with God. To trust him when its really hard to see what he is doing. To love him even if we feel that we do nothing. To know that he can work through our little acts of love with the kids and the families here. To know that he is preparing our hearts to speak clearly of Haiti in the U.S. and to keep this place in our hearts as it is in His.